This idea was before COD: Cartman Ops. Cartman creates Cartman Enterprises in this one. It is a spoof on Ben Affleck's flick "The Town" and how lame people are on LinkedIn.
The Park
Cartman and Butters are sitting at Cartman's house.
Camera zooms in on Cartman's computer screen:
LinkedIn.com
*PIC of Cartman smiling*
Eric Cartman
South Park, Colorado
Cartman Enterprises CEO
"We are the best. You are the rest."
1 Connection
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Butters: Eric! What's that grown-up looking website you're on?
Cartman: LinkedIn. It's this awesome website where people make up phony aliases about how great they are when half the time they suck ass.
Butters: Cartman Enterprises CEO? Sounds pretty made up to me.
Cartman: Oh it is...for now...that is until I recruit the likes of Ben Affleck to join forces with me. I see building an empire...a criminal empire..based on greed...wealth...and annoying raspy monologues.
Butters: That's great Eric. How you gonna meet him?
Cartman: Through Mr. Garrison.
Cartman: LinkedIn. It's this awesome website where people make up phony aliases about how great they are when half the time they suck ass.
Butters: Cartman Enterprises CEO? Sounds pretty made up to me.
Cartman: Oh it is...for now...that is until I recruit the likes of Ben Affleck to join forces with me. I see building an empire...a criminal empire..based on greed...wealth...and annoying raspy monologues.
Butters: That's great Eric. How you gonna meet him?
Cartman: Through Mr. Garrison.
Back to computer screen:
(Cartman is shielding his screen from Butters.)
Cartman clicks his one connection and Mr. Garrison's profile pops up. Cartman goes to Ben Affleck's Linkedin and clicks add connection.
It asks how Cartman knows him...he selects Other...and types the following message:
"Ben...Eric...I am the CEO of Cartman Enterprises. We are writing a movie called "The Park." There's a lot of money out here in these small towns Ben. A lot of money. I've studied your work. I know every armored car route in the city. What do you say brother: you in????"
Hits Send.
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Cartman goes back to his profile.
Butters: Did you find Ben Affleck????
Cartman: No. He was a 4th level connection of Mr. Garrison so I couldn't reach him. Oh well. I'll think of another plan.
Butters: Maybe Stan and Kyle can find him.
Cartman: Stan and Kyle can't even spell LinkedIn. Kenny is so poor his Internet Explorer 3 couldn't even run this technology. And you Butters...if I ever see you on this site I will take you out.
Butters: Take me out?! WHY?! I didn't do...
Cartman: Butters... I'm not messin around here. I'M writing the movie here...not you. If I want you in the movie I'll write you a part.
Butters: What if I want to write my own movie?
Cartman: No. He was a 4th level connection of Mr. Garrison so I couldn't reach him. Oh well. I'll think of another plan.
Butters: Maybe Stan and Kyle can find him.
Cartman: Stan and Kyle can't even spell LinkedIn. Kenny is so poor his Internet Explorer 3 couldn't even run this technology. And you Butters...if I ever see you on this site I will take you out.
Butters: Take me out?! WHY?! I didn't do...
Cartman: Butters... I'm not messin around here. I'M writing the movie here...not you. If I want you in the movie I'll write you a part.
Butters: What if I want to write my own movie?
Cartman pulls out a Gold Desert Eagle and points it at Butters.
Cartman: I said stay out of it.
** Scene ends **
Stan and his family are sitting around the family room watching TV.
Randy: Hey Sharon...wanna grab me some vanilla wafers from the kitchen? I've been craving them all day.
Sharon: Randy I'm tired of you ordering me around.
Randy: Aww shutup in there and get my wafers.
Sharon: Randy I'm tired of you ordering me around.
Randy: Aww shutup in there and get my wafers.
Everyone is quiet when a commerical comes on:
"Do you or a loved one have mesothelioma? Anderson & Anderson Associates can get you a massive settlement if that is the case. Find us on LinkedIn to the get the truth about your condition."
Stan: Ohh what a scam!! 30 people a year get a disease and every lawyer in America jumps on the bandwagon. What a joke.
The room gets quiet and dramatic "Full House type music" comes on.
Randy: Stan...this is hard me to say this...but.....
Stan: What Dad?
Sharon: STAN. You have mesothelioma. You're one of the 30 people a year who got diagnosed with it.
Stan: WHAT? I'm just a kid. Are you playing a trick on me again? (Stan imagines the Future Self episode)
Randy: Times were tough Stan...when you were 3 we needed the extra income so we had you work at the South Park Steel Mill. Conditions weren't so sanitary but we had to do it.
Stan: AM I GONNA DIE YOUNG???
Stan: What Dad?
Sharon: STAN. You have mesothelioma. You're one of the 30 people a year who got diagnosed with it.
Stan: WHAT? I'm just a kid. Are you playing a trick on me again? (Stan imagines the Future Self episode)
Randy: Times were tough Stan...when you were 3 we needed the extra income so we had you work at the South Park Steel Mill. Conditions weren't so sanitary but we had to do it.
Stan: AM I GONNA DIE YOUNG???
Turns from serious to more laid-back...
Randy: Oh no...you get to contact Anderson & Anderson Associates and become a millionaire. We're set baby!!!
Sharon: CMON RIDE THE TRAIN AND RIDE IT!!
Randy: CHOO CHOO!!!
Sharon: CMON RIDE THE TRAIN AND RIDE IT!!
Randy: CHOO CHOO!!!
Stan walks out of the room dejected.
Randy: He'll be fine Sharon. Once we get that payday we'll buy him the XBox Kinnect and all will be well.
Sharon: To get rich these days you need to get mesothelioma. What is wrong with our nation?
Randy: Ohh well.
Sharon: To get rich these days you need to get mesothelioma. What is wrong with our nation?
Randy: Ohh well.
Randy and Sharon high-five each other.
** Scene ends **
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